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Justin Bangert, MS, LMFT Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
AS A PASTOR
Types of Boundaries
Functional Boundaries (Our Martha parts, Luke 10:38-42)
Relational Boundaries (Our Mary parts, Luke 10:38-42)
Precedent Boundaries
Protective Boundaries
Invitational and Permission Boundaries
Preparing for a Healthier Future Boundaries
IMPORTANT BOUNDARIES FOR PASTORS TO SET
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Work Life vs. Home Life Boundaries
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Being a Pastor vs. Being a Human Boundaries
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Sexual/Relational Boundaries
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Financial/Ethical Boundaries
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Theological Boundaries
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Pastoral vs. Personal Spirituality Boundaries
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Confidentiality vs. Disclosure and Rebuke Boundaries
COMMON BOUNDARY MYTHS
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“If I Set Boundaries, I’m Being Selfish”
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“If I Set Boundaries, I Will Hurt Others”
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“Boundaries Mean That I Am Angry”
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“When Others Set Boundaries, It Injures Me”
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“Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt”
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“Boundaries Are Permanent and I’m Afraid of Burning Bridges”
BARRIERS TO HEALTHY BOUNDARIES FOR PASTORS
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Wounds and unmet needs that leave us fearful and dependent
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Fear of anger responses; fear of reminders of past angry responses
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Fear of the unknown; “I’m not sure how they will respond if I begin to set limits”
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Fear of being re-wounded and trespassed on again; “It didn’t work the last time I tried”
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Guilty feelings of being honest, loving and fair to oneself
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Fear of loss of relationship; fear of abandonment
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Lack of perseverance, commitment and consistency in boundary setting
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Others threats and manipulative “power moves” in response to our boundaries
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Others lack of caring or response to our boundaries; (repeated trespasses)
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Inability to say no to your own destructive impulses
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Tendency to be attracted to irresponsible or hurtful people and then try to “fix” them
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Taking responsibility for other people’s lives
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Tendency to be easily manipulated or controlled
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Struggles with intimacy and maintaining closeness with othersInability to confront others and resolve conflicts productively
KEY BOUNDARIES TO ESTABLISH AS A PASTOR
Contact me if…
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If you would like to learn more about how the importance boundaries in your personal life can have on your ability to serve in your ministry
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If you would like for me to conduct a training in-service to your church leadership about the importance of boundaries in our personal and professional lives
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If you would like for me to conduct a church community presentation to your church members about the importance of boundaries as individuals, families and a larger church community
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If you would like to know about more resources available in regards to establishing healthy boundaries in personal and professional life
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If you have any questions or suggestions that are not covered in this section or the featured articles offered